Monday, January 11, 2016

New Year Resolution?

I was so discouraged in May when I got let go from the motel I was working at. My plan got totally messed up. I wanted to keep working part time at the motel on the weekends and then do school full time during the week. Suddenly I was faced with a big gap between my income and budget.

Unemployment was hardly worth applying for. I had to wait for enough hours to come in to qualify and then it paid next to nothing. I got a job at an office in town and it has been a great fit. I gave up on school thinking it would be far too complicated to get back into. I had lost my financial aid and been put on academic suspension 10 years ago due to poor grades.

After Christmas something, most likely some sort of mid-life crisis spurred me to all of a sudden get extremely persistent in getting back into school. I went to the school and talked to an advisor. As it turns out, I should have never been suspended!! There was a clerical error that lowered my GPA to 1.91. It has to be 2.0 or greater to keep financial aid and stay in good standing academically. All of sudden things started falling into place. I spent the entire day at the school and was able to get registered for a class the next week!

I’m now re-taking English 102, Writing from Research. I got a very poor grade when I took it previously, so I decided that I would re-take it to 1) increase my GPA to be more competitive and 2) to start off with a class that I am SURE I can get an excellent grade in.

I’m still waiting for my financial aid to come through, but I’m not worried about it. I did all the work to get my request in early so that I would be sure to have funds available. Next quarter I should be up to full time or at least taking 2 classes. My eventual goal is to finish my Associate in Science degree and transfer to the University of Washington Earth & Space Science program. I intend to get my Master’s and possibly work towards a PhD. It would be fun to work in the exogeology field (studying the geology of planets other than Earth) but who knows if there will be a research position available years down the road. I know that whatever field I end up in, I want to do scientific research. I enjoy the tedious nature of research and I am detail oriented. When I worked for Oshkosh Door Company, I was an order detailer. I loved it. My favorite job of all time. My co-workers joked that only someone with obsessive-compulsive tendencies could do the job.

Space. My final frontier!

My choice was reinforced recently. One of the readings we had for this first class I’m taking was very dry. I had no problem staying interested and comprehending the material. Apparently no one else liked the article! I used to feel left out and weird because of how my mind works. I’m learning to appreciate my differences and use my unique skillset to my advantage. I’m not good socially. I’m terrible. I’m great with data and processes though.

So, there’s my long update to my goal of getting into school. I’ve tried taking the focus off of my chronic pain and limited physical ability recently. Whatever happens, happens. Getting angry about it isn’t going to help. Here’s the small bit of an update on that end of things.

My primary care doctor has been prescribing to me and referred me to another pain specialist. One that does not prescribe narcotics. According to the pain specialist, I have no other options left. She said I wouldn’t be a good candidate for nerve ablation and that the best I can do is to go to physical therapy. Well, I already do physical therapy exercises and I’m still in pain. She told me, “Well, that’s why you’re on pain medication.”

Hold on. Wait a second.

The last pain specialist I went to told me that I was too young to have pain and that injections and nerve ablation would make it so I wouldn’t need pain meds. Which is it? Am I supposed to keep pursuing surgical intervention or just resign myself to being on pain medication the rest of my life?

This is why I stopped ruminating on it. I’m so confused. It feels like I don’t get good care because I’m on Medicaid. I see my primary this week and I will tell her what the pain specialist said. I really just want to get into a good routine where my pain is managed and I am able to live my life. I have a lot left to do and going to dead-end appointments where I end up crying isn’t one of those things I want to do. Just give me my meds if that’s all that will help and let me move on with my life.

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