Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Da Plan, Da Plan!

I'd love to study Mars...

I think I have come up with a good plan and goal. I need to be able to make more money to support my family but still do something that I enjoy. Science is something that I have a natural affinity for and something that I love. Ultimately, I would love to be in the field of Astrogeology but there aren't any places I could work where we live. I don't want to move in order to start working so I am going with something safer that will still let me work towards my goal. 

First I will get my 2-year transfer degree from a community college that has a transfer program to the big 4-year university in the area. I will concentrate on going into medical laboratory testing so that I can start working with just a 4-year degree. Then I can work and probably still do graduate studies in the earth sciences field. I still need to talk to the academic advisor at the community college and one at the university to finalize my plans since requirements have changed since I was enrolled and attending 10 years ago. 

I'm excited! Ryan and I have both been working so hard and it is starting to pay off. We moved into a much bigger house (more than twice the square footage and 2 additional bedrooms). I'm feeling very sure of my footing and my abilities. Not overly confident, but I know I can do what I have set out to do. I know how much work it is going to take and I'm ready for it. 

Reese's Spreads from Influenster!

Influensters got another great complimentary product to try! Reese's Spreads, Peanut Butter Chocolate. This stuff tastes just like a melted peanut butter cup. It can be put on toast, fruit, pretzels and pretty much anything else edible that you like. My Reese's Spreads creation? I put that yumminess on pancakes!! It was so awesome. 

I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Shake It Off

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
(Taylor Swift - Shake It Off)

I feel free and happy. Something clicked for me recently and I'm not as angry and in as much of a moody fog anymore. So much of the bad I had been seeing in other people has been a reflection of my own state of mind. I've been projecting my feelings and emotions onto others and it isn't fair. People are who they are and I have no right to try and even guess what they are thinking. Now, this realization has also helped me see that I shouldn't gauge my behavior or actions based on what I think someone's opinion of me is. I'm gonna do what I do and shake off any doubt.

Then there is reconciling who I am in relation to society. I'm weird. People don't get me! They don't! I try and change the way I communicate or mimic someone else and it makes me uncomfortable. So FUCK IT! I am not mean. I do not harbor ill-will. I may come off as cold sometimes but I'm just shy. I really do care for people deeply. If someone thinks I'm being negative or mean, that's their issue and most likely a judgement they are passing on me. Ain't my problem. I'm focusing on my life and my goals. Not what other people think or making an image. My experience is my own and I want to really live this life I have.

Getting a little older does bring mortality into focus. You can kind of see the end and it is scary! I was never afraid of death until around a year ago. A friend of mine passed away. Then another battling stage 3 cancer. Others having serious health issues. These are people that are my age. Okay... This is real. I don't have forever to accomplish my dreams. I gotta get going! I feel like I do have a head start since I have nearly raised one kid and have a couple that will be "adults" in a few years. But professionally I have lacked.

In the Fall I will be attending college to finish my two-year transfer degree for some field in scientific research or geological studies. Something has always driven me to think I had a bigger purpose. The guilt that goes along with feeling like I am wasting my potential eats at me daily. I mean...if no one felt the push and desire to further our scientific knowledge and preserve the human race how would we ever be where we are?! I am not setting out to be published or have my name known. I want to contribute something REAL to science. And I will. I am gonna shake off all the distractions and drama and be ME. The antisocial, awkward, inappropriate at times, but very authentic Janella.